Showers
by fiercerollins
Summary: Amanda finds more than just comfort in Olivia when she turns to her for a safe place to go.
1. Chapter 1

**Amanda's POV:**

She really didn't want to be doing this. Every step up the stairs she took, she thought about how much she hated herself for what she was about to do, how she was about to show herself at her weakest moment to the strongest person she knew. But she made herself keep going, just one more step, then another, and another, because she knew that she had to do this, no matter how much it was breaking her. It would break her more if she didn't.

Finally, the stairs stopped, and Amanda found herself face to face with a door. She was momentarily disorientated, not having prepared herself for ever actually reaching the top of the stairwell. There was only one final thing to do now, and that was the hardest bit of all. But she knew she couldn't turn away now. There was barely any strength left in her...but just enough to step forward, reach up, and knock on the door.

Step, reach and...knock. Knock. Knock.

 **Olivia's POV:**

It really had been the most uneventful Saturday in the history of Saturdays. Every single menial task that she had been putting off for the last few weeks had built up and she had reached a point where she literally did not have a single clean plate or pair of underwear left in the apartment, which meant one thing. Cleaning day.

She'd tidied every inch of her flat meticulously, leaving no cushion unturned or sock forgotten, put on the washing machine, then the dishwasher, and then the washing machine again, until everything smelled like citrus and cotton and there wasn't a speck of dust in sight. It had taken the entire day and it wasn't until now, 9pm, that Olivia had finished, feeling accomplished, and very exhausted. The thought of cooking anything felt beyond her at that point, though she desperately needed to eat, so she poured herself a glass of wine and resolved to make something after she finished it. She was just about to settle onto the sofa, when she heard 3 almost inaudible knocks on her door.

Placing her glass down on the coffee table, slightly irritated at the interruption, she headed over towards the door. She had no idea who it could be; it was too late to be anyone she didn't know, she wasn't expecting anyone she did know and most normal people used the doorbell.

She looked through the peep hole on her door, and almost fell back in surprise. Amanda? What was she doing here?

Olivia opened the door, and almost fell in surprise again.

"Amanda?"

Amanda looked at her and she could tell right away that the younger detective had been crying. The light in the hallway was dim, but Olivia could make out tell-tale mascara smudges and damp eyes. There was also her posture, too—nothing about the way the blonde usually held herself was present here. She was slightly hunched over and looked fragile, clutching her arms as if she was about to physically break.

Realising she had been stood staring at Amanda for a good minute without saying anything, she opened the door fully and stepped back to let her in. Amanda hesitated, but walked in, stopping as soon as she made it into the apartment.

"Olivia, I-"

Olivia stopped her before she had a chance to continue. Softly, so much that it was almost a whisper, she said:

"Amanda, anything you need, take it. A bed, a shower, some food, anything. You don't need to ask or explain anything."

Amanda looked down at her feet, unable to make eye contact. "Thank you, Olivia." It was sincere and said with a catch in her throat that made Olivia want to reach forward and take the blonde in her arms and hold her as tight as she could, but instead she just gave a little smile.

"You can call me Liv."

This made Amanda look up at her, big blue eyes showing a flicker of something Olivia wasn't sure of, but hoped was a tiny bit of happiness. A hint of a smile came from the detective and Olivia felt her heart thud a little more than usual.

"I didn't bring anything, I'm really sorry, if it's a problem I-"

Olivia cut her off again. "It's no problem at all. My room is just through there and there's some nightwear in the bottom drawer of the cupboard on the left. My bathroom is through the door in my bedroom and there should be a clean towel on the rail. Help yourself to anything else you need. Have you eaten?"

Amanda shook her head. "Would you like to eat?" Nod. "Is pasta okay? Another nod. "I'll fix something up ready for when you're done."

"Thank you Liv." Amanda smiled gratefully, then made her way towards the bedroom. Olivia felt her heart thudding again when Amanda called her that, and turned away towards the kitchen, feeling her face flush and not wanting Amanda to see, even though the detective was now far out of sight. She busied herself with the pasta, deciding she had enough time to make a pasta bake, and searched her cupboards for a sauce.

Olivia had no idea what had happened to Amanda, and wanted to protect and look after her so badly, a feeling that was new to her and a little bit startling. Okay, maybe it wasn't exactly new, her feelings towards Amanda having softened over the year that she had known her, but they had taken a turn somewhere, and she wasn't quite sure where that somewhere was, except that it involved an unsteady heart rate and red cheeks. Whatever it was, Olivia didn't want to think about it, and only think about how she could help the detective.

Pasta cooked, sauce on, mixture in a dish, dish in the oven, timer on. Wine time again. Olivia made her way back towards the sofa, the only sounds she could hear being the padding of her bare feet across the floorboards and the quiet tick-tick-tick of the oven timer behind her. And...what was that? Was Amanda…crying?

Olivia couldn't help herself, a motherly instinct taking over, and she found herself walking into her bedroom. The bathroom door was ever so slightly ajar, and she couldn't hear the shower. She couldn't hear any other sound, except—there it was again.

"Amanda?" Olivia called out, barely concealing the panic in her voice.

No reply.

"Amanda?" She called out again, but much more quietly. There was nothing, and then a muffled sob in response.

Olivia walked over to the door. "Amanda, are you okay?"

Nothing.

"Amanda? Can I come in?"

Nothing again, but Olivia couldn't wait outside any longer. She pushed the door open, and what she saw almost broke her heart.

Amanda was sat on the floor of the shower, her legs pulled right up to her chest and held in place by her arms. She was wearing the t shirt she had come in wearing, and a pair of pants, and both were soaked through, stuck to her ivory skin. Her eyes were red, her face looked crushed, and tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Olivia walked up to her and crouched down at the edge of the shower enclosure. "Amanda...what happened?"

Amanda finally managed to choke out a few words. "Liv...someone...they...touched me...and...and...they..."

She let out a cry, and broke down completely, sobbing and spluttering and hiding her face in her knees.

This time Olivia couldn't stop herself. She sat down in the shower in front of Amanda, barely noticing the damp floor through her sweatpants, and pulled her in to her. Amanda's body shook against hers and Olivia pulled her in as tightly as she could, rubbing her back with her left hand and holding her close with the other. They stayed like this for a few minutes, until the shaking turned to shivering and the sobbing subsided.

"I just want to be...clean." It was barely a whisper. Olivia felt goosebumps appear on Amanda's arms.

Olivia reached up, and turned on the shower. The blonde tried to protest but it was too late, they were both soaked through now, and anyway, it didn't matter. All Olivia wanted was for Amanda to feel something other than devastatingly broken.

"Turn around," Olivia whispered gently into Amanda's ear. Amanda obliged, and turned so that her back was facing Olivia, her body firmly in between her Captains legs.

Olivia reached for her shampoo. "Can I?"

Amanda nodded. "Just let me know if you want me to stop." She nodded again.

Olivia poured a little in her palm, and then gently started massaging it into Amanda's hair. She felt her relax into her legs a little, and Olivia worked the product through the blonde locks, carefully untangling knots and making sure she didn't get any in Amanda's eyes. She let the water wash it out, and then repeated with her conditioner. When she tucked a piece of hair behind Amanda's ear, she felt the detective shudder a little, and Olivia had to stifle a giggle, knowing that she had accidentally found a sensitive spot.

When they had finished, Olivia reached for the shower gel a little hesitantly. At this point, she was beyond worrying what was inappropriate considering their job, but mainly not wanting to make Amanda feel uncomfortable.

Now it was Amanda who spoke. "Is it okay if..." She slightly lifted up her top.

"Of course."

Amanda pulled the t shirt over her head, Olivia helping when the material stuck to her body. She was suddenly greeted with perfect, toned skin, as Amanda was now naked apart from her pants in front of her. Olivia felt herself blush again, but pushed away the feeling, and poured a little lavender shower gel into her hands, and began to work it into Amanda's back. She felt every inch of her skin, shoulder muscles rippling as she glided her touch over them, making her way down Amanda's arms and then back up again.

She didn't need to worry about the other more intimate parts of her body, as Amanda took some gel too and cleansed the front of her body. Olivia couldn't help herself when her arms reached the small of Amanda's back, and she let them drift around to her perfectly taught stomach. She moved them back to Amanda's shoulders and massaged them gently as Amanda cleaned her legs, feeling the blonde relax even more in her legs as she released some tension she had been storing inside her.

Finally, they let the soap suds wash off of Amanda, and the two of them sat in silence, albeit not an uncomfortable one. And then, Olivia could just about make out a faint beeping in the background.

"Shit, the pasta." She sighed softly.

Amanda leaned forward, slightly out of Olivia's hold, covering herself once more. "You'd better get that," she said, sadness evident in her voice. But it wasn't the sadness that was there earlier and Olivia knew that Amanda would be okay this time she was on her own for a few minutes. Sweatpants and t shirt dripping, Olivia got up.

"Find something to wear in my drawers, anything you like, and come and find me when you do. Shout if you need anything."

She flashed a little smile at the blonde, who returned it, the smile not quite reaching her eyes but being progress from earlier in the evening. Amanda stood up, holding her soggy t-shirt to her chest, and reached behind Liv for a fluffy white towel. She started drying her hair and turned around so that her back to Olivia, who saw this as an opportunity to quickly strip of her wet clothes, suddenly very shy to undress in front of Amanda. She grabbed another towel, wrapped it around herself, and stepped back into her bedroom.

If Olivia had been confused about her feelings before, it was nothing compared to how scrambled her brain was now. She hoped it was just a natural instinct to protect Amanda, the same instinct that made her care so much about her job, but this felt different. It was unfamiliar, a bit unsettling, and however much Olivia tried she couldn't shake the feeling of warmth and safety that she had felt with Amanda pressed up against her.

Whatever it was, Olivia certainly wasn't ready to share these feelings with Amanda yet, so she quickly dug out another plain t shirt and leggings, throwing them on and returning to the kitchen to plate up dinner and distract herself from the events of the last half an hour.


	2. Chapter 2

**Amanda's POV**

Amanda walked over to the toilet, put the lid down and sat down on it, head spinning. The reality of the last few hours was slowly starting to hit _—_ walking home from the shops after craving cigarettes but distracting herself with doughnuts instead, feeling slightly paranoid her entire walk home, running into her flat only to have an intruder run after her and hold a gun against her head, what happened next that she didn't want to think about, blindly running to Olivia's apartment which was luckily only a few blocks from hers…shit. Olivia. The shower. Amanda looked down at herself, towel covering her otherwise bare torso.

What was she _thinking_? Going to her boss's flat, not locking the bathroom door, letting Olivia wash her hair and massage her back whilst she was topless…even though Olivia had seemed comfortable and initiated the shared shower situation, she scolded herself for putting Olivia in that position in the first place.

Amanda realised she was still on the toilet seat, and that Olivia was probably waiting for her in the kitchen so that they could eat dinner. Torn between spending more time with her boss in a situation that she was increasingly more uncomfortable with, but also not wanting to cause more trouble when Olivia was likely very hungry, Amanda forced herself up and back into Olivia's bedroom. She was grateful that Olivia had shut the door, but kept the towel clutched tightly around her slender frame as she rummaged through drawers.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she realised there was a problem. An underwear problem, to be precise. The one pair Amanda had on were still soaked through from the shower, and she didn't have time to dry them. There was also no way in hell that she was asking Olivia if she could borrow a pair either. If they hadn't already crossed the line of what was appropriate interaction between work colleagues, this would certainly be a step too far.

She returned to the drawer, unsure of what she was searching for but half hoping a pair of her underwear would miraculously appear. Then her fingers grasped some light, leaf patterned material and she pulled out a pair of cotton pyjama shorts, just long enough to cover everything and act as a kind of pants/pyjama hybrid. Moments later she found an oversized plain white t-shirt, so she stripped bear and dressed herself in the soft scented clothes of her boss. She checked her reflection in the mirror next to the bed, turning around to check she was fully covered.

Ah. Those shorts were a bit… _breezy_. The t-shirt wasn't entirely opaque either, and even in the dim light of the room Amanda could make out a faint nipple outline. Oh well. Olivia had seen worse that evening and even Amanda now was too hungry to care anymore. She slowly walked over to the bedroom door, open it, and peeked round.

The scent of tomatoes and herbs hit her before anything else, and then her eyes adjusted to the brighter lighting of the room and she saw Olivia plating up the source of the delicious smell, humming quietly to herself and moving gracefully around the kitchen island. Amanda smiled a little, feeling a little calmer in this homely environment, and made her way over to the table where Olivia had placed the bowls of pasta. She looked up when Amanda padded over, smiling at her and stepping back to let Amanda sit down.

"Can I get you something to drink? Water? Juice? Or…wine?"

Amanda debated for a second, weighing up the likelihood of her spilling her heart out if she had something alcoholic, finally conceding to her desire for something strong and sweet and deciding one glass couldn't hurt. "Wine would be lovely, thanks."

 **Olivia and Amanda's POV**

Olivia went back to the kitchen, found an unopened bottle of red and poured two medium glasses of wine before returning to the table. She pushed one towards Amanda and motioned for her to start eating. They tucked in, silently satisfying their hunger, and Amanda felt herself relax a bit as she nourished herself. A few minutes in, Olivia cleared her throat.

"Did you…did you want to talk about what happened?"

She didn't want to push Amanda for details, but she wanted to support the detective as best she could and knowing what had happened would help Olivia handle the situation. Amanda stared at her plate, aimlessly stabbing a piece of pasta repeatedly but making no attempt to eat it.

"There was this guy following me…I think he has been for a while…. he tried to make a move on me in the elevator…" She waved her hand around, hoping Olivia would fall for her bluff. It wasn't exactly a lie, but the thought of telling her what had actually happened made her stomach turn. Even though Olivia would know what to do and say better than anyone else, she just couldn't bring herself to tell her the full truth. "I just don't feel safe in my flat at the moment. I'll deal with it on Monday at the precinct." Her eyes met Olivia's briefly, before looking back down at the plate she was still pushing food around.

Olivia leaned forward and placed her hand over Amanda's free hand that was resting on the table and squeezed it gently. "You can stay here as long as you want Amanda, and if there's anything you need please don't hesitate to ask me. I can go to your flat tomorrow morning to pick up some stuff for the next few days, and we can do whatever you want tomorrow, okay? I just want to keep you safe." What Amanda didn't know was that _you mean too much to me to lose_ was suddenly on the tip of Olivia's tongue, but the brunette swallowed the words and gave Amanda a soft smile. Amanda tried to return it.

"Thank you so much Liv. You have no idea how much that means to me," Amanda whispered. She had the sudden urge to hug Olivia, but there was a table in the way and Amanda knew she should probably keep some physical distance after the intimate situation earlier. Instead, she busied herself with finishing her pasta, whilst Olivia swirled her wine glass and appeared lost in thought. When she finished, Amanda stood up to take the plates and wash them, but Olivia lightly guided her back into her seat with a hand on her shoulder. "I've got this. How about you get comfy on the sofa and I'll bring over a bit more wine, and we can watch something on the TV until you feel sleepy?"

Amanda smiled properly for the first time that evening. "Sounds lovely." She got up and padded over to the sofa, curling up on it and trying to get comfortable, aware of the breeze around her crotch and trying not to expose herself any more. Olivia clattered around the kitchen, scraping the plates and then loading up the dishwasher. There wasn't much to wash, and she could have easily done it by hand, but all she wanted right now was to join Amanda on the sofa and hold her tight.

Eurgh. Those feelings were back again, and Olivia still didn't have a clue what they meant. Something about seeing the younger detective finally letting someone see a vulnerable side of her that she never let anyone else see made Olivia feel so protective over her. That Amanda had picked her to go to when she needed someone, that she trusted Olivia that much, that she felt safe with Olivia… a warm sensation rose up inside her, something she hadn't felt in years. She quickly washed her hands, grabbed the bottle of wine and walked over to join Amanda on the sofa.

Amanda gave her a sleepy smile when she sat down, remote in hand, flicking through channels on the tv until she settled on a generic rom-com film. Noticing her wine glass was empty, Olivia pushed the bottle towards her, which Amanda gratefully took and poured herself another small glass. They stayed that way for a few minutes, until Olivia was aware of a subtle vibrating sensation. She felt for her phone in her pockets, then under the cushions of the sofa, before realising it was Amanda shivering.

"Amanda honey, you should have said you were cold! Here, take this blanket," Olivia said, leaning over the arm of the sofa nearest her and retrieving a giant fluffy throw. Amanda accepted it and wrapped it around her tiny frame, then offered an end to Olivia. It didn't quite reach as far as her legs though, so Olivia took this as a sign that it was okay for her to move a little closer, so she shuffled over until their legs were almost touching.

Amanda wriggled under the blanket cocoon, trying and failing to get comfortable without ending up with pyjama shorts up her ass, or accidentally elbowing Olivia in the chest. Olivia grinned at the writhing figure next to her.

"Comfortable Rollins?"

The use of her surname earnt Olivia an eye roll. "Sorry. Just trying to make sure I don't end up with a crick in my neck."

"You can lean into me if you want."

Amanda turned so that she was facing Olivia, trying to read her face to see if Olivia was just being nice, or if she genuinely was happy for Amanda to invade her personal space. As if she could read Amanda's mind, she said softly, "I mean it."

Amanda didn't waste a second this time in taking Olivia up on her offer, shifting herself so that her head was resting on the edge of Olivia's shoulder, arms just about brushing each other.

Olivia sighed. "Well that's clearly still not very comfortable for you, is it?"

Amanda didn't say anything, and Olivia chuckled to herself at how respectable of her personal space Amanda seemed to be. "Hey, come here, I want you close."

The second these words were out of Olivia's mouth, Amanda's heart rate soared, and she hoped to god that Olivia couldn't feel it. Before she had a chance to react, an arm was snaking around her back and firmly grasping her waist, causing Amanda to let out a little squeak, before it deftly hoisted Amanda practically into Olivia's lap. Her head was tucked perfectly into the space under Olivia's chin, dark strands of hair still slightly damp from shower tickling her forehead. The arm stayed around her midriff, fingers resting on bare skin as her t-shirt rode up slightly, and Amanda felt her skin burning where Olivia's hands lay.

Olivia tilted her head down so that her cheek rested on her forehead, and Amanda could feel that the brunette's pulse wasn't dissimilar to her own. Those soft fingers tenderly stroking her hip somehow managed to calm Amanda but cause an intense surge of emotions at the same time, and Amanda felt her body almost melting into Olivia's.

"Better?"

Amanda nodded into the soft skin of Olivia's neck, already feeling herself beginning to drift off to sleep, despite the extremely close proximity of her boss creating a swarm of butterflies in her stomach. She sighed serenely, trying to fight her drooping eyelids but eventually succumbing to tiredness and falling asleep.

Olivia didn't move for a while, reluctant to disturb Amanda but also slowly becoming weary with the weight of the detective that was almost entirely resting on her left side. Once she was certain Amanda was in a deep slumber, she set about moving the pair of them into somewhere more suited for a whole night's sleep. Twisting awkwardly, she sat up, still gripping Amanda's waist, and then moved her left arm so that it was tucked under the back of her knees. Olivia then pulled Amanda into her lap further so that she could reach around with her right arm and hold Amanda just under her hipbone, careful not to tug at the flimsy material of the borrowed pyjama shorts.

Summoning all her strength, Olivia stood up with Amanda in her arms, and the blonde figure stirred a little. Olivia breathed a sigh of relief once it seemed that Amanda was only snuggling into her chest a little and was still pretty much asleep, though she wondered how she was going to peel herself away from the embrace, feeling very calm with the presence of a heartbeat of someone she cared so much for close to her own.

Olivia could barely repress those uninvited feelings about Amanda now, suddenly very keen to go to sleep herself, in the hope they would rid themselves overnight and she could be confident any feelings she had towards the blonde were purely platonic. She carefully laid Amanda down on the left-hand side, barely bearing to tear herself away but desperate for sleep and some peace of mind. She tiptoed around to the other side of the bed where her drawers were and tried to open the bottom one as quietly as she could, finding something cooler to sleep in now that there was another body sharing her bed. Once she found what she was looking for, she slipped on the loose shorts, and gently climbed into the other side of the bed, pulling the duvet cover over them as she did and turning to face away from the figure she so badly wanted to hold again.

She had barely closed her eyes when there was a sudden yank at the duvet, and when Olivia flipped over she saw Amanda was clutching the edge of the duvet with a death grip, face crumpled up in pain. Amanda tossed a few times and whimpered, before Olivia could make out that she was staying "stop" over and over again. Olivia instantly moved herself, so she was right next to Amanda, and her arm reached around Amanda to stroke the back of her neck, fingers tangling in the soft blonde hair.

"Amanda sweetie, it's okay, I'm here. It's me, Liv, you're safe here."

Amanda stopped moving, and Olivia wandered for a second if she'd fallen back asleep, but then a tear rolled down Amanda's cheek and Olivia instantly knew she was awake. She moved her other arm over to Amanda's face, and gently wiped away a tear with the pad of her thumb.

"I've got you now. I promise I won't let anything happen to you. Promise."

The tears started falling more rapidly now. Olivia pulled Amanda close, so that the tip of her nose rested on Amanda's forehead, and she cradled the back of Amanda's head into her. Eventually the crying subsided, and the breaths became more rhythmic until Olivia was sure Amanda was asleep again. She moved her left arm back down to Amanda's waist and held it there until she herself fell asleep too, their bodies almost together as one.


End file.
